Doggy Stories
These are a collection that I have gathered from different emails that I have
received and felt that others might enjoy. It is not my intention to  infringe on any
copywrites and if you find that I have done so please contact me.
New Dog Owner's House Rules
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only, but has to stay off the new couch.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not
allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
Dog Property Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, it's yours.
How to Photograph your new puppy....
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
Buy a Dog

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the
sports section...
buy a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you...
buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him & never says it's not quite as
good as his mother made...
buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...
buy a dog.

If you want someone who won't touch the remote, doesn't care about sports, & sits next to you to
watch romantic movies...
buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you
can push off if he snores...
buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticises what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat
or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to , and
loves you unconditionally, perpetually...
buy a dog.

But, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you
totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all
night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to
ensure his happiness...
buy a cat.
Dogs Live Here

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Dogs.

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an
adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on
all fours, &  doesn't speak clearly.
Things I can learn from a dog:

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by,
and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and right
back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Play time with puppies
  • If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
  • Don't go out without ID.
  • Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
  • Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
  • Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
  • Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is effective.
  • When you do something wrong, always take responsibility
(as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).
  • If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy & the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to walk the dog.
I wish someone had given Jesus a dog, As loyal and loving as mine
To sleep by His manger and gaze in His eyes, And adore Him for being divine.

As our Lord grew to manhood His faithful dog , Would have followed Him all
through the day, While He preached to the crowds and made the sick well
And knelt in the garden to pray.

It is sad to remember that Christ went away, To face death alone and apart
With no tender dog following close behind, To comfort its Master's Heart.

And when Jesus rose on that Easter morn, How happy He would have been
As His dog kissed His hands and barked its delight, For The One who died for
all men.

Well, the Lord has a dog now, I just sent Him mine,The old pal so dear to me
And I smile through my tears on this first day alone, Knowing they're in eternity.

Day after day, the whole day through, Wherever my road inclined
Four feet said, "I am coming with you!", And trotted along behind.

Written By: Rudyard Kipling